Is Your Boyfriend Still a Boy?

As promised! Here is my post on the so-called Peter Pan Syndrome. I won’t rant about what it is. I’ve seen this syndrome so evident in the men or boys around me but I think you should hear it from a person who’s an advocate of real manhood– biblical manhood, that is.

So here’s a post from Pastor Dennis Sy, Senior Pastor of Victory Greenhills and Editor-in-chief of the Act Like a Man blog. This was posted on October 10, 2011.

Here goes:

There are basically 2 phases of manhood.

BOY —— MAN and nothing in between. But something changed in our civilization. We created a third phase called adolescence. Now nothing really wrong with adolescence but most men today have embraced it so much that they have extended their adolescence to forever. It is an indefinite adolescence.

We call it the Peter Pan syndrome. They are the boys who will remain boys forever. They might get a wife, start a family but they will forever remain boys. Others call them BAN. A boy trapped in a man’s body. A boy who can shave.

What kills young men today is the worldly thinking that this extended ADOLESCENCE is acceptable, natural and unavoidable.

So when do we become a man?

Is it when we turn 18 and we can now buy a beer or is it when we get a wife. Honestly, the world doesn’t know because they have never defined it. In fact the latest invention of our world’s system is in creating genders. What started out as man and woman , has now been morphed into 5 genders namely :

1. MAN

The world is confused and I won’t be surprised that if the trend continues, we might be seeing 10 genders in our world. The Scripture talks about the transition from boy to man.

1 Corinthians 13:11

11When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me.

Here is where we were tricked: The world created this stage called ADOLESCENCE and made a created need for them. So they define what a real man by what he consumes and not what he produces.

“Drink this beer and you become a man”

“Smoke this cigar and you become a man.”

“Have sex with the girls and you become a man.”

“Win the fantasy league, drive that car and you become a man” and the thing  is we BUY INTO THIS!!!!

MEN have become takers and not givers.

No wonder we are where we are today. It is time to bring back manhood. The real manhood. A biblical manhood.


Now that we know what Peter Pan Syndrome is, it’s time to ask..

Is your boyfriend (or the guy you’re dating) still a boy?

Here are 8 signs he has Peter Pan Syndrome:

1. He’s still very much into DotA and you have to bargain for his time.I’ll explain later.

2. He’s still in undergraduate school. The common sense here is it’s not yet the season for him (or for you) to be in a relationship. I’m assuming you’re still a student also.

3. His parents supplies his clothing, food, cellphone, and dating allowance. Same rationale as #2. And I don’t care if mommy and daddy are filthy rich. Gegelpren gelpren wala naman palang trabaho. Which leads me to the next..

4. He doesn’t have a job or any stable source of income. Money is not the measurement of everything. Sa Tagalog, hindi pera ang sukatan ng lahat. Toinks. But that doesn’t excuse him from learning, early on, to provide for a family– his family in the future.

5. He thinks saving money and investing isn’t necessary. This is just so boyish. Living off in the present without considering the future.

6. When he hears the word marriage and family, he palpitates, changes the topic, goes to the washroom, or all of the above. Obviously, he isn’t just ready. Ever. Magkaiba yung hindi pa ready pero may plano at yung hindi pa ready at wala talagang plano.

7. He’s never ever ready to meet your parents. “Kailangan pa ba yun? It’s not like we’re getting married…” Ugh, ihagis mo kaya sa Ilog Pasig yang boyfriend mo?

8. He doesn’t want you reading this or any of Ptr. Dennis’ blogs on biblical manhood because he knows all of these are true about him and doesn’t want you to find out so.


DotA. There’s nothing wrong with it (or is there?) but if you have to fight about the time and money he’s spending on this “hobby”, then there’s something amiss. Why can’t he instead invest on making your relationship foundationally stronger and prepare for, possibly, your marriage? Ah, because that’s never ever in his mind yet. If that’s the case, what’s the point of you two being in a relationship?

You might say, DotA lang yan. Ang babaw naman. But him playing DotA isn’t the real issue here. It mirrors his personality and his priorities. What if it’s not just DotA? What if he also has his barkada night outs and their drinking sprees? What about those girls?

“Hayaan ko na siya magsawa ngayon. Pag kinasal naman kami, magbabago na siya.”

Oh yeah? Kwento mo sa pagong, with feelings. If that happens, well and good. But we know that it rarely does. Aren’t you rationalizing and giving yourself false hopes that your relationship will be an exception? Are you saying, his marriage to you will change him? Two words: IT. WON’T.

True transformation only comes from God through His grace, not from being married to a beautiful, caring, and intelligent woman like you.

Biblical manhood isn’t attained by following a set of “religious” rules. It’s a result of a man experiencing God’s unconditonal love and him learning to treat women with that same kind of love and respect.

Ang hirap sating mga babae, we look at guys as DIY projects, something to be fixed or made over. Do you look at him as a Pinterest project you have to work on, relying on yourself to change him, or do you see a misguided boy who needs God’s transforming grace?

If we do the former, we do two things:

We put on the Saviour cape and try to settle the matter in our hands. And we allow these supposedly men to be overly dependent and complacent.

So, yeah. We have a part here, too. I’m speaking to you, single ladies who have a Peter Pan in your life. I urge you to rethink your relationship with that guy. I’m not asking you to break up with him, (or reject him if you’re just in the courtship stage) but if you think you’re not helping him grow into a man, you know what to do.

If it’s not yet his time, let him be. Sa Tagalog, pabayaan mo siya sa buhay niya.. mag-isa. You don’t have to put unnecessary burden on yourself. Don’t push it but don’t tolerate it either. You’re not God nor his mother. Let boys be boys and let men be men— REAL men. Give him some time to sort things out with God and grow in Him first. It’s God’s role to change them, not ours.

If it never happens, move on and thank God because He just saved you from a miserable life. I say to you, single ladies, we’re better off single than to be a perpetual yaya to a boy who refuses to grow up.

You know, even Wendy decided to leave Never Land and move on with her life. Will you?


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