The F Word

How do I start?

This is awkward…

Recently, a series of events overturned my life. I tried to put up a front that I was okay. But the Lord and I know that I wasn’t. Outside, I was smiling but when I was alone in my bed, I couldn’t sleep. I stopped writing and, for me, that meant that I was a wreck.

I won’t go into details anymore. I’ll just ask, what do you do when someone offends/hurts/disappoints/betrays you?

Ngiti na lang at sabihing okay lang? Tayong mga Pinoy ganyan minsan. By nature, non-confrontational tayo. Pero deep inside minumurder na natin yung tao sa isip natin. Aminin… Kaya nga relate tayo sa mga palabas tungkol sa agawan ng asawa ng may asawa. Napapa-boompanes tayo pag jinojombag na nung bida yung kontrabida.

Hindi naman ako naagawan ng asawa. Pero pinagdaanan ko yung pakiramdam na masaktan at mahirapan magpatawad. Siguro naman ikaw din.

Ang hirap, no? Bat mo nga ba papatawarin ang isang tao na sinaktan ka nang di mo lubos maisipan? Ang tao na pinagkatiwalaan mo pero pinili kang saktan? Ang tao na nagdulot sa’yo ng isang trak na pighati? Ang tao na hindi naman humihingi ng kapatawaran?

Give the F word.

Ano yun? Grabe naman ‘to si Yna, kung anu-anong tinuturo. Wag ganun.

Teka lang, di pa’ko tapos.

F means Forgive.

Patawarin mo siya kasi yun ang turo ni Jesus.

Matthew 18:21-22

Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times? Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.”

Ano?!@#$/^&*(‘”;?,. %  Ganun na lang ba kadali?! @#$/^&*(‘”;?,. %

Hindi. May sinabi ba’kong madali? Oh, di ba, parang mas madaling murahin yung tao kesa patawarin?

image

Para sa’kin, hindi naging ganun kadali. Maraming beses nako sinubok ni Lord sa pagpapatawad. Naging legal “wife” na ako. Na-try ko na rin maging anak ng legal wife. Sa dami ng sakit na yun, nakuha kong magpatawad sa tulong at lakas ng Panginoon. Dapat sisiw na sakin ang magpatawad. Siguro naman, di ko pa na-consume ang 70 times 7 forgiveness ko.

Na-realize ko, every situation is an opporunity to learn something new. This time, nahirapan talaga ako ng bongga. Siguro kasi, etong most recent pain, brought back all the memories of the past pains.

Ginusto ko magpatawad. Day one pa lang, pinagpray ko na agad na, “Lord, this person has really hurt me but I know You will heal me. Lead me to a place of forgiveness.” And He was faithful.

Nakarating ako sa lugar na iyon pero hindi agad-agad. It’s been a roller-coaster ride. May mga araw na sabi ko okay nako. Tapos, kinabukasan, maaalala ko yung bawat detalye ng kasalanan niya. Maaalala ko kung sa paanong paraan naging makapal ang mukha niya para gawin sa’kin yun. Ako na walang malay. At lalo ako manggagalaiti sa galit. Pero ako rin ang nahirapan.

Kung binabasa mo ‘to at may kinikimkim kang hinanakit at pag-iimbot dyan sa puso mo, alam mo kung anong sinasabi ko.

Unforgiveness consumes us mentally, physically, and most importantly, spiritually. It robs off our joy and inner peace. It imprisons us in a dark, heavy life of angst and bitterness.

Kaya naman ngayong Araw ng Kalayaan, I urge you brother or sister, palayain mo na ang sarili mo. Piliin mong magpatawad.

To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.
-Lewis Smede

Hindi madali, oo. Hindi rin logical. Pero kung aalalahanin natin na nung minsang kinailangan rin natin ng kapatawaran dahil nagkasala at patuloy tayong nagkakasala sa isang banal na Diyos, pinili Niyang magpatawad at magmahal.

“Yna, you don’t need to go the extra mile. Enough na yung alam mo sa sarili mo na okay ka na,” sabi ng kaibigan ko nung nalaman niya na makikipagkita ako sa taong nakasakit sa’kin at ipaalam sa kanya na pinapatawad ko na siya ng walang halong keme.

Sagot ko, “si Lord nga bumaba pa mula sa langit papunta sa lupa para sa’tin, eto pa kayang personally magrelease ng forgiveness di ko pa magagawa?”

How do I start?

This is awkward…

It may be the most awkward and insensible conversation you have to make, but I’m telling you, by God’s grace, you’ll walk out of that place and be free as a bird.

When we find it unimaginable to forgive, let’s remember how we were so much loved and forgiven when we least deserved it.
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“Above all else, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.”
1 Peter 4:8

9 thoughts on “The F Word

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