Forgiveness 2.0

Hello! *pabebe wave*

Maari ay nagtataka ka kung bakit kay tagal kong hindi nakapagparamdam. Kaya naman nandito ako para magpaliwanag. Pero kahit hindi ka nagtataka, magpapaliwanag pa rin ako.

Taliwas sa paniniwala ng marami, hindi po ako nag-artista.

Throwback to 2012

 

yayadub

Mula sa pagiging super teller, ako ay naging AA o Administrative Assistant ng Marikina at Rizal branches namin. Ang pinagkaiba sa pagiging teller, pagka-balanse namin sa gabi, tapos na ang trabaho. Bukas ulit. Sa pagiging AA naman, reports dito, meeting doon, at hindi nauubos na to-do lists in between. Sabayan pa ng wedding preparations. Ocular, food tasting, DIYing.. Multitasking at its best.

Alarm ko sa madaling araw ang message alert ng mga branch personnel, “Yna, masakit (insert body part here) ko. Hindi ako makakapasok today. Sorry talaga.” Hangang sa pagtulog naman ay umiikot pa rin ang mga numero sa utak ko. “Ilan na nga yung booking ni ganito sa home loan?”

Kamusta ako? Eto, pagod pero masaya. Maraming natutunan. Tapos mabait at mahusay pa yung boss ko.

Ang hindi lang masyado okay ay kapag nadadala ko hangang sa bahay yung trabaho. Wag nyo ako gagayahin. Masama yun; nakakabangag.

Halimbawa:

April 16

Trabaho, trabaho, trabaho…
April 17
Love: Bakit kaya nag-away sila kuya mo at si ate gf?
Ako: Hindi ko rin alam. Sad nga eh..
Love: Siguro, nakalimutan ni kuya mo na monthsary nila kahapon.
Ako: Ha? *puzzled look slowly turning to horrified look* (nanlaki ang mga mata) Oh! My! I’m sorry love. I’m really sorry. I’m so sorry. Huhuhu.

*16 ang monthsary namin #labdub

Ang sobrang pagtatrabaho ay nakaka-short term memory loss. Buti sana kung isang beses ko lang nakalimutan. But no. Not once, but twice.

Kaya sobrang pasalamat ako sa grace ni God kasi binigyan nya ng patience and understanding si Love. Sabi nga sa sikat na love verse, “Love is patient, love is kind…” Kahit dalawang beses ko nakalimutan ang special day na yun, love pa rin nya ako. Yun nga pala ang gusto ko talaga i-share sa post na ‘to.

A few years back, I wrote about How to Forgive Your Ex. After being single for seven years and now being in a relationship, I learned a new lesson on forgiveness. It’s not just for the people you hate but most especially for the people you love.

Narinig mo na ‘to?

“The people you love the most are the ones who will hurt you the most.”

Eh, eto:

“When you love a person, you give him the power to hurt you.”

Pake nga naman natin sa mga taong hindi natin kilala? Eh ano kung hindi nila tayo feel? Pero pag ang taong mahal mo ang nakagawa ng kasalanan sa’yo, ang sakit di ba? Kasi mahal mo, mahalaga siya sa’yo.

Nag-one year anniversary na kami ni Love nung July. Ang bilis ng panahon ‘no? Alam namin malayo pa ang tatakbuhin namin. May mga “maalam” na tao nga na nagsasabi sa’min na, “Sweet kayo ngayon? Pag mag-asawa na kayo, tawagan niyo na ay ‘Hoy’.”

Hoy, magsaing ka na. Hoy, maglaba ka na.

Minsan, nakakatawa kasi totoo na nangyari sa iba. Pero ayokong tanggapin ito. Hindi dahil sa pagmamalaki. Totoo, papunta pa lang kami, pabalik na sila. Bakit nga ba sila babalik? Kaya siguro nabuo yung term na tumatandang paurong. Bakit nangasim ang dating nilang matamis na pagtitinginan?

Maraming factors to keep your marriage grow and stay strong. Google mo lang dyan. Pero ang natutunan ko sa mahigit isang taon na pagsasama ng dalawang imperpekto at topakin na tao ay kailangan magpatawad. Forgiveness.

Hindi kailangan major offense. Even the littlest offense, make sure you forgive. If you don’t choose to forgive, the little hurts will turn into seeds of bitterness that  will eventually grow into a big tree of resentment. Malalim ang ugat, sanga-sanga. We’re not experts but somehow I’d like to share the importance of saying sorry and giving forgiveness in a relationship and how do we practice it:

  1. Communicate your hurt. 

Not in a nagging or fault-finding way. Just express how you felt about what he/she did. Also, there’s a proper way to communicate.

Don’t: Sinaktan mo ako sa sinabi mo.

Do: Nasaktan ako sa sinabi mo.

Avoid to sound accusative. Remember, you’re just trying to express how you feel and not trying to blame him/her for what you are feeling.

2. Acknowledge his/her feelings.

Most of the times, women are too emotional. Way TOO emotional. (Aminado here). But men, please be patient. Hindi ibig sabihin sinadya mong saktan sya, iba lang yung dating sa kanya nung pagkakasabi mo. So, don’t be defensive about it. Instead, be understanding. True also for women!

Don’t: Wala akong sinasabing masama. Ang OA mo.

Do: Ganun ba?

3. Apologize.

You may not feel like it cos hurting him/her was not really your intention but go ahead. Unlike traffic in Metro Manila, saying sorry is not “fatal”. Love is not about who’s right and who’s wrong. It’s about giving more importance to the other person than to your pride.

Don’t: Maliit na bagay pinapalaki mo.

Do: I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you.

4. Accept the apology and say thank you for the forgiveness.

If you’re the one who’s been hurt, acknowledge that it took a lot of humility and love for your partner to ask for forgiveness because human nature is to protect the self. He/she could’ve just let you wallow in despair. Forgiving even though you don’t feel like it really brings healing to you and to your partner.

Don’t: Hmp. (So what does that mean? Bati na ba kayo or bahala sya sa buhay nya? Lumuhod ka muna sa asin o lumuha ka muna ng dugo. Ganurn?)

Do: I forgive you.

On the other hand, thank him/her for forgiving you cos we all know, forgiveness is one of the most difficult thing to give away.

5. Discuss further the reason why he/she was hurt.

Na-experience mo na may sugat ka na pagaling na, pero nakamot mo ito tapos dumugo ulit? Yung mga pain ngayon, symptom lang sya na may mas malalim na sugat na hindi pa gumagaling. Most of the time, these are pains form the distant childhood past. Malay mo kaya pala sya sensitive kasi puro negative yung mga salitang natatanggap niya nung bata pa siya. The last thing he/she wanted is to hear those same words from the person he/she loved the most — and that is you. In that way, mas nakikilala mo yung partner mo and you’ll help him/her– through your patience and understanding — to heal from that painful experience.

At the end of the day, we get the grace from God to ask for forgiveness and forgive one another. After all, He’s the perfect example of unconditional forgiveness. He gave it to us even before we asked and even though we don’t deserve it.

“Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.”

1 Peter 4:8

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s